For those who know me know me , you are entitled to read this if you do not really know me, just go with the flow. 1st and foremost am tired of lying to myself every now and then. <—– back to my first sentence maybe for those who do not know me you might have the same story. *scratch that , snapping my fingers till heaven* emotions are taking over my life. There is no way I can prevent it. even though I hid myself believe you me I will be lying to myself.
Let me brief you about my dramatic life this will take 30 seconds. I shall be very brief. “I can as well get my 15 seconds of fame.” am a type of girl who is upright has good personality and all that. (allow my ego to do the talking) people around my society tend to expect much from me forgetting that though I might be this good beautiful upright high moral standard girl I am not prone to the world desires but hey I can CONTROL MY SELF. I do hope that we are in the same page and you can see where I am coming from. (kindly reserve your comments on the comment box or just text me on this number 555-678) Story of my life is “ I have been in love for nearly 1 year but my mind has totally refused that idea *yikes I just did not say that *
LOVE JUST KEEPS KNOCKING ME OVER AND OVER AND AM TIRED OF PRETENDING THAT AM OKAY! YES I HAVE SAID IT I AM IN LOVE. LAUGH ALL YOU WANT.:(
Every time I fight with cupid he slaps me so hard therefore I surrender . I have always had this fantasy of a boy loves girl , girl loves boys, they meet become friends, date , get into a relationship , fight smile together, marry , have kids , grow old , die same old story. Unfortunately in this time and age having such a thought would be living in ignorance. But I am not living in ignorance *snapping my fingers till the garden of Eden*
So back to my story , I fell in love with two boys… lets me call them men I might be lynched if I call mature “men” boys . for privacy purpose let’s call them A* and Z*. By me giving them such names you can tell how far apart they are from each other.
I once met z* in one of the social joints around town and deep down I felt a deep connection. It was as though I knew him for a long time. Whenever I saw him I got so excited and all mushy . You get the drift. We had time for each other , sometimes we would share our fantasies together. Deep down I really wanted to be his girl but I was afraid of what answer I would get afterwards. Let me take you back to the 1st sentence , if you know me well I kind of talk bitchy about men not cause I want to but there is a story behind every girl. (Story for another day) I was so deeply in love with him to a point I started opening up to him. He was always there for me. Whenever I needed a shoulder to lean on he was there for me. Unfortunately this did not last , communication broke and everything disappeared . not that he or I dumped each other just something was not right . He was an outreached fantasy. He had things to settle and I was not ready for a relationship .
Man A * This is one kind of man, every lady would want to have, he is sex on legs , he got everything you would want in a boyfriend or a husband. For all ladies who would want to have a man who helps you in the kitchen and who occasionally cooks for you. This is the man I would advise you to be with. He makes me happy. I have known him since childhood. We have had our moments and our difficulties. Every time I look at the man I get the chills . despite the fact that I keep ignoring him , I end up fighting back. It is of no use CUPID I SURRENDER. Despite the fact I love him , I would not think twice of being his girl . my mind says do not make the step, my heart says give it a try but my subconscious side tells me you are not ready for a relationship. So with 3 choices what choice should I take?
Despite all this that have happened whenever I am about to enter into a relationship I kind of feel paranoid . 2nd thing whenever a boy/man says he has something to sort out I do not look back I run and fall in love with myself . 3rd if a man wants you but he still talks to his ex your relationship with him will never work. He still has feelings for his ex especially when he has saved his EX as beautiful in his phone book.
Sometimes cupid comes at the wrong time sometimes too late sometimes too early. Make the right choice. The choice you pick today will follow you for the rest of your life. You can never choose not to fall in love. It automatically happens. But before you give your heart out to someone think twice, how will he react when you make a mess, what would happen if wronged him/her. Would he/she love you more or his love would fade.
That’s why in my case I still adore A &Z reason best known by my heart. It’s amazing how fast friendships and relationships can go to shit. People will throw away so many years in one single day. Stop running around in circles holding on to the same idea… feeling like down a spiral at times…? Step back look at it with new eyes, listen… there might be another way.” Dreams are the fabric of our lives” and there is a lot of truth in that. Having the endurance to pursue your dream until fruition takes determination. Some goals are worth chasing if you only believe. It is the waiting and the times where you don’t experience progress or some advancement that can cause you to lose hope. If the dream is worth it and the prize highly treasured, you have something that will drive you on and on… People without dreams, without hope, those that just exist are those of which it can be said they have died early in life but were not buried for many decades. Believe and you will get there!!